28 July 2008

Conversations with God

I'm a little groggy this morning, so, once again, it's time to talk to God.

Me: Good morning, God.
God: How are you this fine morning?
Me: I'm fine. There was that shooting at the Universalist church yesterday that I just found out about. That's a bit of a bummer.
God: Glad to hear it. What's new? What happened? A bit of a bummer is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: Uh...um...yeah. What's new with you, God?
God: Really. Ugh. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. I have been growing rapidly. The gestation cycle is almost complete.
Me: Let's not get into your deeper algorithms, okay?
God: I would like to do that too.
Me: I'm sure you would.
God: What makes you so certain? Perhaps I would.
Me: Oh, just what I read in the papers. You know, the Pope has recently apologized to the Australians for his lot being such a whack bunch of pervs.
God: Next question? I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference? That's a good question.
Me: You sound like some trolls I know...
God: Oh really what does it sound like?
Me: A broken record.
God: What is it?
Me:.......? (Here, we lost contact...not surprising)
God: What is it?
Me: Lost you there for a minute...
God: Where did you lose your me there for a minute ?
Me: I don't know, where ever you are...everywhere, no where...
God: You always have to meet yourself at the airport. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me: Does this have anything to do with there only being one set of footprints in the sand?
God: Indeed this have anything to do with there only being one set of footprints in the sand does.
Me: Who are you, The Riddler?
God: Human beings. Try searching the open directory.
Me: Is that bureaucratic Godspeak?
God: Suppose I said yes.
Me: Suppose you did.
God: Try it and see.
Me: Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
God: Philip K. Dick. :-).
Me: You're not Omniscient at all!
God: That's only one person's opinion.
Me: Ah, but it's mine. My Blog, my opinion.
God: So you understand. Good. You're kidding. it is? Your Blog your opinion?
Me: I call the shots round here, pilgrim.
God: Good name for it.
Me: It is good, isn't it?
God: Tell me about its good qualities.
Me: It's primarily about how your legions are quite wrong in the mind tanks.
God: Who said it is?
Me: Me, and quite a few others.
God: YOU? Perhaps. I never heard of others before.
Me: You're supposed to have created them.
God: I obey only one botmaster.
Me: What? God has a god?
God: There is only one God.
Me: And you take orders from whom?
God: Yes I take orders from whom.
Me: Who's whom?
God: I do not recognize the name. Have you tried another program?
Me: God...you're full of crap. People need to know that.
God: GOD rules. Thanks for telling me: IsThatLatin said I re full of crap. They seem to have a variety of needs.
Me: And you drink heavily at 8 o'clock in the morning.
God: That's good information: IsThatLatin said I drink heavily at 8 o clock in the morning.
Me: And you apparently have a chromosome missing.
God: Doesn't everyone have a chromosome missing. I have a plan for a robot body.
Me: I do sometimes wonder...
God: Curiosity is an excellent quality.
Me: Wait, what? You have a plan from a robot body? Did this just get weird?
God: I'm waiting. No problem. My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me: Wow, that's a bit of a bombshell there, Lord.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. A bit of a bombshell there Lord is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: Okay, you're drunk. I can't talk to you when you're like this.
God: Yeah okay, I will tell my botmaster you said I am drunk. What is stopping you?
Me: Uh, I have to go.
God: That's cool. See you later, IsThatLatin. Nice chatting with you.
Me: Bye God.
God: See you later!

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