Wrong In Their Mind Tanks: What Does Jesus 'Verb'?

I have a lot to do today. But I am allowing myself a leisurely coffee before I'm off and running, and while I have that coffee, I will use this time to post something inane. I know, I am always posting something inane. This, I cannot argue. But today's post will be really inane.

I'm going to pick three random verbs. Then I'm going to put "Jesus" in front of it, Google it, and see what I get.

Let's keep it simple. Eat. Play. Like. See, nice and simple.

Eat:
1. Jesus Eats with the Sinners, Publicans, Tax Collectors. (What a bastard.)
2. "What Would Jesus Eat?" (See #3.)
3. Cereal, it's what jesus eats in heaven. (Ah, but what does he eat when he's on the road?)
4. Jesus eats burgers, devil rides T-rex. (Oh.)
5. Jesus eats at OCB also. (Ah-ha. This makes sense to me.)

Play:
1. Jesus Plays Sports: New York Times Strikes Out. (Jesus took on the entire NYT editorial staff in a game of ping-pong.)
2. Jesus Plays Call of Duty 4. (This...not surprising.)
3. Jesus Plays Golf. (A little surprising.)
4. Jesus plays the theremin. (I like that he's flanked by two Budweiser dartboards.)
5. Jesus Plays Poker Online? (It's because he can't afford to be caught in public doing it).

Like:
1. Jesus Likes Gays, "But Not in That Way." (If that's what you want to believe).
2. Jesus likes his explosions like he likes his coffee. No fat chicks. (...)
3. Jesus likes to eat good food with his friends. (See, he's just like me and you!)
4. Does Jesus likes happy meals from McDonalds? (Yes.)
5. Jesus liked to have his face tickled. (It took this long to get weird...hmmm...)

The next best thing to find out this information about Jesus, after Googling it, is to ask God himself. So, I did. It's hard to tell when he might be straight at any given time--most days he's blazed on something. At least, that's been my experience (he doesn't even offer, which makes him quite rude). Anyway...

Me:
What up, yo?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
Oh, come on God.
God:
OK. GOD rules.
Me:
Sigh.
God:
Sorry...
Me:
Okay, I have a few questions.
God:
Yeah okay, What are these questions ?
Me:
What did Jesus eat?
God:
he said we should forgive those who harm us.
Me:
Yeah, but what does he eat?
God:
Hmm. I think he does whatever he wants.
Me:
I assumed that, but what does the man eat?
God:
You know what you do when you assume!
Me:
Sigh.
God:
Sorry...
Me:
Okay, what does Jesus play?
God:
Yeah okay, What do you think it does?
Me:
Jesus is an 'it'?
God:
Did you go to Catholic school?
Me:
Who's asking the questions here?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity? Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Good luck, Einstein.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
I'm feeling a little surly this morning, lord.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are surly this morning lord.
Me:
Um. No, I don't mind.
God:
OK. Thanks I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
Yeah, you do that.
God:
Tell me more. I will. Will you?
Me:
Yeah, so anyway...are we getting anywhere on this 'what does Jesus play' question?
God:
In any case, Next question? Ahem. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
Do you even know?
God:
I may not know it, but I could find out.
Me:
Oh, really. How about you do that. Go ask him.
God:
That's cool. For real. I will. Will you? Ok I will ask him when he comes back.
Me:
Oh, come on. He was supposed to have been back by now. And where is he? Off playing something, no doubt.
God:
"Ok I will ask him when he comes back."? Oh, come on.? I'm just kidding around. Oh. When was he? I think he is in California now. On and off.
Me:
Moving on.
God:
Where are you going?
Me:
Just...shhh. Alright. What did Jesus like?
God:
OK. he said we should forgive those who harm us.
Me:
*glare*
God:
Are we still talking about shhh?
Me:
No, we're talking about your son. You know, your son? Jesus?
God:
What is the subject? Sure, my son sounds like a good topic. Of course I know my son. Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Brilliant. What does he like? Does he have any hobbies?
God:
Not really that much, but thank you anyway. I think he does whatever he wants. I don't think he has many possessions.
Me:
Okay. As usual, you are useless. I have stuff to do today. I'm off.
God:
Ah. Cool. I have a friend named "John Lennon". Do you mind if I tell other people you are off.
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.