07 August 2008

Warning: Liberal Use of the Word 'Douchebag'

It is wrong to laugh at the misfortune of others. Wrong, I tell you. It seems that members of the Phelps family lost their garage last night to the flames of what could possibly be an arsonist. That is, indeed, unfortunate. I mean, just because the Phelp's are hate-mongering, unconscionable douchebags doesn't mean we should...

Firefighters removed several of the Phelpses' anti-homosexual picketing signs from the garage as family members and neighbors watched.

Shortly afterward, family members began filming footage of the fire, taking photographs and documenting what occurred. Several carried signs as they watched.

I'm sorry. What was I saying? Ah, that's right--I believe I was calling the Phelps's a bunch of douchebags.

Shirley L. Phelps-Roper said she thought the fire was intentionally set.
Well, yeah, probably. You people are douchebags.

"None of what they do is going to stop us from delivering our message," Phelps-Roper said as she watched firefighters spray water on the garage.

We know your douchebaggery knows no bounds.

Phelps-Roper said firefighters responded and "did what they were supposed to do."

As she pointed to the house where her parents' live, she said "there are two elderly people who live here." Phelps-Roper said her mother, Margie Phelps, is 82 and her father, pastor Fred Phelps Sr., is 78.

You mean "there are two elderly douchebags who live here."

Insisting the fire was arson, she also said this was the most aggressive act toward her family to date.

In a letter to U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey, Phelps Sr. requested an investigation regarding "Civil Rights Hate Crime Complaint vs. Unknown Criminal Arsonist(s)."

Do we have laws on the books regarding hate crimes against douchebags? I mean, our hate crime laws just barely cover all the violence and viciousness perpetuated towards women--so I suppose it wouldn't surprise me if we have some special clause in there somewhere that says "Oh, and no harassing the douchebags."

"Our church was set afire as two elderly people were asleep therein," the letter stated. "There is evidence that hatred of our religion was the motivation, in part at least."

It was your garbage, douchebag, and then your garage. Not your church. But, I suppose if someone did indeed set the fire in your garbage cans, I figure he or she could simply have been mistaking them for your church.

Ain't life ironic, folks? Hate crimes against the haters (remember, God does hate fags). A-mazing.


  1. Bravo! It is great to find someone who appreciates "douchebag" and the many variants of the word as much as I do.

  2. I just knew you'd be a connoisseur of 'douchbag!' :)

  3. The use of the word douchebag was quite elegant, take it from someone who uses the term on my political blog daily! I can't stand the Phelps, but they also prove my biggest complain with the religion: The average, nonfundy Christian does very little to denounce the extremists and fundamentalists which puts them all in the same boat, imo. Here is a quote that sums up Phelps:

    "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. --Anne Lamott"

  4. Good quote and good point, DB. If the Phelps's give nothing else to the planet besides their general hatred for everyone except themselves, they do provide us with an excellent reason to stand up against Christian extremism--everyday Christians sure don't seem willing to do it.

  5. Maybe it's not arson, maybe it's there fire-and-brimstone god unleashing his wrath on what he deems to be douchebags.

  6. God must he thought the Phelps's were harboring some of those 'fags' he hates so much in their garage.